This year Halloween feels a bit unnecessary. If you want to be scared all you need to do is open a newspaper. But some of us are suckers for punishment. So if you insist on upping the fear factor this year, here are 5 budget friendly, spine tingling costumes:
1. Suella Braverman
Forget Freddie Krueger, nothing is scarier or more nightmare-inducing than our Home Secretary. For this one you will need a grey or black skirt, matching jacket, red shirt and a briefcase full of new and inventive ways to torture the already tortured.
2. A British River
In 2022 sewage was pumped into our rivers and seas on more than 300,000 occasions. Which has turned the act of gentle open water swimming into an adventure suitable for only the most hardened adrenalin junkies, and means our river system now rivals Amity Island for fear factor.
This is a nice easy costume, all you need is an all blue outfit, a little union jack flag and some Toxic Waste stickers.
3. Justin Timberlake
Long before Britney's tell all came out, this author knew JT to be an uber-villain (Justice for Janet). But Ms Spears' new tome has reminded the world just how misogynistic and self-serving this dancing bobble-head really is.
For this costume you will need some wide leg cargo trousers (readily available from all sorts of outlets thanks to the Y2K revival), an American sporting jersey of some kind, a comically big chain and some frosted tips. For double points wander around the party shouting Fo Shiz, Fo Shiz.
4. Liz Truss at the Coronation
Penny Mourdaunt might be the obvious choice for immortalising in costume but nothing made me jump more than the unexpected sight of our once fearless leader, Elizabeth Truss boldly walking into the Abbey in bright orange. One could be forgiven for assuming that on May 6th 2023, with the world's press out in fullest force, she might have found herself busy washing her hair, waiting in for a parcel or overcome with a new strain of Covid. But no, in she walked looking like a shameless traffic cone.
For this costume we recommend whatever orange high-vis you can get your hands on and a fascinator (which can be fashioned out of a hairband and some orange tissue paper). Leave your shame at home for a wild night.
5. Luis Rubiales (or his mother)
As someone who is set to become a mother in a few weeks, I am extremely wary of the "blame the parents" approach. And of course families want to support their loved ones. However, seeing the mother of the disgraced Spanish FA President embark on a hunger strike to protest the way her son was being treated, I felt like I was watching the prequel to Psycho.
For Luis, you will need a navy suit, a bald cap and a villainous sense of entitlement. We don't recommend going method for this one, Consent is Key people.
For Angela Bejar you will need a nightie, a nil by mouth sign, and a confused sense of justice.